A Moment of Weakness

 Today I want to quit school and travel.  I feel like I spend all my time in this dark office in the basement of my house.  I feel boxed in by these four walls.  

At the beginning of this year, I decided I wanted to take my hobby to a different level.  I applied to the Cleveland Institute of Art to turn my photography into a skill that would fuel my passion for travel and adventure.  I wanted to be around creative people. I wanted to create.  The first year is a foundation year with mandatory drawing classes and design classes, and no photography.  I'm so far out of my comfort zone. I don't have time to shoot pictures or improve my craft.  That's how I feel anyway.  Trapped.  

As I struggled to keep up in my online class this afternoon, my inner negativity started to get loud and unbearable.  My week suddenly became very daunting, and I began to catastrophize and spiral out of control with my negativity.  

I took a time out and went into my garage and turned on Never Give Up from Motiversity on YouTube.  I started lifting weights and listening to the message.  I turned the sound up loud to drown out my inner bitch.  I didn't count reps. I just pushed and pulled until it burned until I couldn't hear anything except for the sound of my own breath, and my heart thumping against my chest.  I'm alive.  I'm not a fucking quitter.  I'm human, I have weaknesses, but I can also control that shit.  When I start talking to myself like a fucking pussy, I have to find a way to break it up and push my passion to the forefront of negativity.  Watching motivational videos is one way; for me, physical fitness is another way.  Put myself through a little pain to put things in perspective.  We will get through this.  I'm human, but I'm not a fucking quitter.

If you are feeling like this; give the video above a listen and put yourself through some pain.  

YOU CAN DO IT!

DON'T QUIT!

HOLD ON!

VICTORY GOES TO THOSE WHO FINISH, TO THOSE WHO NEVER GIVE UP!